Why no intimacy for 6 months after marriage? - Wife suspects infidelity

There was a wife who suspected infidelity because of a husband who did not have sexual intercourse even once for six months despite being newlyweds. However, the cause revealed through counseling was not another person. Behind the physical changes the husband experienced upon marriage lay the death of a family member from his childhood and the unconscious fear regarding it that remained in his heart.

On the 6th, the tvN STORY show 'Lee Ho-seon's Counseling Center' discussed the topic of 'physical conversation' between couples. Lee Ho-seon mentioned the so-called 'sexless' problem, noting that there are many cases where couples communicate sufficiently with words but grow distant in physical intimacy. In the broadcast, sexlessness was explained as having sexual intercourse fewer than 10 times a year, or less than once a month, as a general standard.

The couple in the case introduced by Lee Ho-seon lost their sexual relationship as soon as they married. Considering they were newlyweds, it was a situation that was difficult for the wife to easily understand. When the wife asked the husband for the reason, he replied, "I am tired." However, the situation did not change as time passed, and eventually, they had no intercourse even once for six months.

The wife's concerns naturally turned toward herself. She began to wonder if there was something wrong with her or if her husband's sexual interest had decreased. Furthermore, she went through a psychologically difficult time as she suspected whether there was another woman. Especially because the gap between the expectations of being newlyweds and reality was large, the silence between the couple led not just to a problem of sexual life, but to anxiety about the relationship itself.

After receiving couple counseling, the husband revealed his position. It was not because he did not love his wife, nor was it because he had another partner. Rather, he stated that there were no problems with his feelings toward his wife, but since marriage, inexplicable changes had occurred in his body. He explained that as soon as he got married, he became exceptionally tired and experienced situations where physical responses did not occur regardless of his will.

During the counseling process, psychological therapy using drawings was conducted, and a strange man appeared repeatedly in the husband's drawing. It was later confirmed that the figure was the husband's older brother. The husband's brother was someone who passed away in a car accident three years after getting married. It was addressed during the counseling process that the brother's death remained with the husband not just as a past family history, but as an intense memory connecting marriage and death.

The possibility was raised that the event of marriage re-triggered the past experience of loss. The explanation was that the memory of his brother passing away three years after marriage led to a vague fear in the husband that 'if I get married, I might die in a short period,' and that this anxiety affected his physical response without being consciously recognized. However, this is a psychological interpretation presented in this specific counseling case, and it does not mean that all couples' sexual problems can be explained in the same way.

What this case shows is that physical intimacy in a marital relationship is not simply a matter of desire. Sexual life can be complexly influenced by various factors such as an individual's physical condition, emotions, stability of the relationship, past experiences, and stress. In particular, if the party involved cannot explain their changes in words, the partner fills that void with speculation, and in that process, misunderstandings such as infidelity or loss of affection can grow.

In fact, the wife was hurt as she took the husband's behavior as her own problem, but through counseling, it was revealed that the husband also carried fears that were difficult to explain in words. Ultimately, the core of the problem was not simply 'why are we not having intercourse,' but how safely the two could talk to each other about their anxieties and emotions.

During the counseling process, the husband had time to honor his brother and face his loss again. Work was also done to separate the past event from his current life by revisiting the fact that his brother's death was an accident and not caused by marriage. Lee Ho-seon explained that after this, the marital relationship resumed.

Through this, Lee Ho-seon emphasized that sexual disconnection between couples does not need to be viewed solely as a matter of affection or sexual desire. This is because sometimes past memories and emotions that even the person involved does not notice can affect the current relationship. Ultimately, what is important in this case is not the fact itself that 'there was no intercourse for six months,' but that they confirmed each other's hearts that were hidden behind that silence.

When the physical conversation disappears between a couple, the first thing needed may not be suspecting the partner, but a process of looking into the reason for the change together. In particular, since changes in sexual life can have physical and medical causes in addition to psychological factors, one should not hastily conclude a single cause. However, in that the emotions that are difficult to explain in words and past wounds can sometimes affect the current relationship, this case shows how complex the issue of intimacy between a couple is.

Read the original (Korean)