Comedian Shin Gi-ru shares guilt over final days with mother

Comedian Shin Gi-ru revealed on a YouTube video released on the 28th that she feels sinful for dining at a 500,000 won omakase restaurant just three days before her mother passed away on March 17.

Comedian Shin Gi-ru has shared her deep feelings of guilt regarding the memories of her final days with her mother. Upon belatedly encountering a photo taken at a 500,000 won omakase restaurant just three days before her mother passed away, she confessed that even those ordinary moments have remained a burden on her heart. She expressed feeling sinful for having drinks after work while her mother lay in the intensive care unit, though she noted that staying by the hospital would not have changed the outcome. Her confession, a mixture of longing for her mother and self-reproach, has drawn sympathy.

On the 28th, a video titled "Living, Eating, Laughing, and Loving (with Seong Hyeon-ju & Gopchang Jeongol)" was released on the YouTube channel Let's Do Anything. During the video, Shin Gi-ru spoke with comedian Seong Hyeon-ju, who has also lost a son, and recalled her mother, who passed away this past March. While Shin Gi-ru is known for her cheerful wit, she carefully shared these difficult memories of family and parting.

“This is something I haven't told anyone, but I saw a photo recently,” Shin Gi-ru began. She recalled, “There was a photo taken at a 500,000 won omakase restaurant three days before my mom passed away.” Looking back at the memory of a normal meal after learning it was so close to her mother's death brought unexpected emotions. What was once a scene from daily life became a catalyst to revisit her final moments with her mother.

She was particularly troubled by her life during the period her mother was in the intensive care unit. “Even when Mom was in the intensive care unit, I would have a drink after work, and I felt so sinful for that,” she confessed. The fact that she continued her daily routine of working and eating even as her mother's health declined returned to her as guilt later on. After losing a loved one, even choices and actions that seemed natural at the time can resurface with a different meaning.

However, Shin Gi-ru said she did not know if anything would have been different even if she had stayed by the hospital. “It wasn't something that could be solved just by me sitting by the hospital like Sim Cheong,” she explained, adding, “It wasn't even allowed due to hospital rules.” She noted that there were practical limits to what she could do for her mother. Her complex emotions between the inability to stay at the hospital and the reality of having to continue her daily life were clearly conveyed.

A part of Shin Gi-ru's confession that weighs even more heavily is the fact that she has not been able to fully express her sadness even after losing her mother. “I live my life suppressing all of this,” she stated. “I don't go anywhere to cry, and even when I want to see my mom's photos at home, I don't look at them much.” She added, “If it all bursts out, I don't think I'll be able to handle it.” She explained that she is intentionally avoiding the memories for fear that her emotions might become uncontrollable if she faces the sadness.

After losing a beloved family member, feelings of regret often follow, as people revisit their words and actions. Thoughts like "I should have stayed with them longer" or "Could I have made a different choice?" repeat themselves late. However, as in Shin Gi-ru's story, even while experiencing a family member's illness, people must work, eat, and sometimes return to their daily routines. Continuing one's daily life does not necessarily mean a lack of love. The reality and emotions of that time can take on a different weight only after time has passed.

Shin Gi-ru lost her mother on March 17. Her mother passed away at the age of 68 due to declining health. Having struggled to voice the regret and sadness remaining in her heart since the parting, she revealed these stories, which she had not told anyone, through this video. It was a moment where the weight of loss, hidden behind the image of a comedian who meets the public with laughter, was revealed.

The single photo taken three days before her mother passed away remains more than just a simple memory for Shin Gi-ru. It contains a mixture of blaming her past self and a longing for a time that can no longer be returned. Nevertheless, her confession prompts reflection on the complex emotions experienced by those who have lost family. The regret that rushes in after losing a loved one is not necessarily evidence of wrongdoing, and living while suppressing sadness can be one's own way of enduring loss.

Read the original (Korean)