Jeon Jong-hwan and Moon Ji-ae: '6 hours together is harder than the food'

“It was harder having to be with the whole family for six hours than preparing holiday food.”

Broadcaster Moon Ji-ae and Jeon Jong-hwan, a couple married for 15 years, are gaining empathy by revealing why they boldly changed long-standing family traditions surrounding traditional holidays. They confessed that it wasn't simply a matter of domestic labor like preparing ceremonial food or doing dishes, but rather the psychological burden of having to gather in one place to maintain the image of a 'harmonious family' during holidays.

On the 10th, the two shared their experiences and discussed ways to reduce holiday stress in a video uploaded to their YouTube channel, 'Moon Ji-ae's Life Luxury.' Their story, released ahead of Chuseok, serves as an example of how the roles and relationship styles of family members surrounding holidays can change.

Jeon said that holidays weren't difficult for him from the very beginning. “I didn't have stress regarding dishes or food. But that was the problem,” he said. “At first, since there was no labor, I thought, 'This won't be hard.'”

As time passed, his perspective changed. He explained that after about three to four years of marriage, he realized that the fatigue of holidays does not stem solely from physical labor such as preparing food or washing dishes.

The true burden he identified was 'the time of the holiday itself.' Jeon confessed, “It's not that it's hard because of the dishes or the food; I realized the source of the difficulty is being together with everyone for about six hours during that holiday time.”

This illustrates the paradox inherent in Korean traditional holiday culture. While holidays place the highest value on family gatherings, whether all family members actually feel comfortable during that time is a separate issue. Especially for daughters-in-law or sons-in-law newly incorporated into the family through marriage, the very pretext of a 'joyful family gathering' can act as another form of pressure to perform a specific role.

The solution chosen by Moon and Jeon was not to sever ties. Rather, it was to continue visiting their parents regularly during normal times while breaking away from the custom of all family members being obligated to gather on a specific day.

“In fact, we see our parents once a week,” Jeon said. “Once we removed the burden of having to appear happy for about six hours as an obligation, things changed a bit.” Their judgment is that if they maintain a relationship through frequent meetings, there is no need to prove that relationship by conforming to a specific date and location on the day of the holiday.

In reality, their holiday scenes have changed little by little. Instead of visiting the in-laws on the day of the holiday, they sometimes visit their parents on a weekend a week prior, or choose to go on an overnight trip to a pension as a family.

Moon explained that changing the setting helped lower the tension in their relationships, noting, “We went from spending time at restaurants to taking overnight trips to pensions.” She added, “The novelty provided by a new space helps offset this burden. There are fixed roles for each person, and we become free from them.”

What is important here is the change in 'roles' rather than the location. In traditional holiday settings, implicit rules easily operate regarding who prepares the food, who does the dishes, who takes care of the parents, and who greets the guests. Conversely, in external restaurants or travel destinations, the existing roles within the family are temporarily dismantled, increasing the possibility for members to spend time in more horizontal relationships.

Moon did not forget to express gratitude toward her parents-in-law. She emphasized, “My parents-in-law are reasonable. They have been very considerate.” She made it clear that their choice did not stem from conflict or estrangement with her in-laws, but was a method for the entire family to maintain their relationship more comfortably.

Indeed, their family has shown a side that is far from the traditional 'daughter-in-law-centered holiday labor.' In June, it became a hot topic when it was revealed that Jeon's siblings personally prepared his father's 80th birthday party, even preparing a script to host the event.

This kind of family culture aligns with the changing meaning of holidays in Korean society. While there was a strong tendency in the past to accept holidays as 'a day when the family must gather in one place,' there is an increasing number of cases where the method and timing of gatherings are redesigned, considering the labor, rest, and individual schedules of family members.

In particular, as dual-income households become common and family sizes shrink, the function of holidays has also changed. This is the background for the spreading movement to reduce labor and increase the quality of time spent together through dining out, convenience foods, or travel.

The choice made by Moon and Jeon is significant not because they are 'not visiting the in-laws,' but because it shows that one can maintain a relationship with parents while simply changing the method of meeting. In family relationships, the important thing is not how many hours were spent together on a specific date, but how comfortably each person can exist within that relationship. Rather than forcing happy expressions under the name of a holiday, meeting frequently in daily life and occasionally traveling to new places to lower tension can be a healthier choice for the family.

The answer found by the couple married for 15 years is unexpectedly simple: it is not about meeting the family less, but about breaking away from the formula that because they are family, they must meet in a specific way. As holiday landscapes continue to shift, the choice of Moon and Jeon can be seen as a realistic way to redesign the form of tradition to sustain family relationships rather than abandoning tradition itself.